Books You Need in your Shelf

I know I did a similar post a few years ago about my favorite books, but I feel like this one is different. I’m not talking about books that once I put it down I was like “wow this book just blew me away, I must read it another five times,” I’m talking about books that maybe you read once, but they have so much meaning and there is more than the story it tells. I’m a big fan of those books that one simple word actually has a lot of different meanings, every word you read is a metaphor or has a deeper meaning that what it seems. So this are the kind of books that are in this list:

                                                                              

  1.    The Catcher in the rye by J.D. Salinger

Are you surprise this book is the first one in the list? You really shouldn’t. If we are being honest, the first time you read this book without any background information you probably wonder “what’s the big deal about this Holden Caulfield kid?” but when you dig more into it and you realize this is actually a representation of how a teenager feels about growing up, this is the kind of book you will fall in love.

  2.    Looking for Alaska by John Green

After I finish this book, I remember needing sometime to think the whole book again. I just one of those books that the ending suddenly makes you question your entire life. I’m currently re reading it and being a big fan of marking things on book this one is full of post-it and pencils scribbles, there are so many pieces of this book that makes you reflect. I recommended this book to my brother and to my friend and they both come back to me and were blown away but how good it was.

  3.    Nine Stories by J.D. Salinger

I look for this book for a while and I had officially given up until a week after I started university. We were assigned to read the first one “A Perfect Day for Bananafish” and the teacher told us that Nine Stories was a book everyone who wanted to become a writer needed to have. Of course I raced to the closest book store and got it. Some of the stories might be a little hard to read and confusing but just like The Catcher in the Rye, you have to look under the iceberg.

  4.    Bestiario by Julio Cortazar

I think every single person needs to at least read one story by Julio Cortazar. Pick any story by him, the craziest one, the funniest one or the easiest one, but you must read it. I read this collection of short stories for school and once I was done I feel in love with Cortazar and after learning more about him in university, I realize he was the best Argentinean writer ever (Sorry Borges). The way he writes is pure poetry, every single word is there for a reason and every story has a bigger meaning behind. This story have been translated to English and they are around the internet but I believe the book has not been publish. My favorites are “Lejana” (“The Distances”) and “Carta a una señorita en París" (Letter to a Young Lady in Paris").

  5.    One Hundred Days of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

This is defiantly not a book to read many times, it is a long and one of those book that are just hard to read. The first few chapters of this book was a constant: “what is going on here?”, but then my teacher would help us understand and everything made sense. It is just one of those books that you need to read once, and do your best to understand that the writer is not crazy. By the way, I highly recommend having a family tree, it really helped.

  6.    The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

Don’t worry my first reaction to this book was also “this is disgusting, I can’t read it,” but I don’t think there is anything more beautiful that the metaphors and the symbols on this book. I love the way we discussed this book in university more than I did in school, because this is one of those book that to really enjoy it you have to read it twice. But really what really got me when reading once that I was older was how we can all feel a little bit identified with the main character.

  7.    No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre

I’ve been hearing about this book for a long time and after I was assigned to read it for my Culture class I think I finished it in like a day. Maybe I’m a fan of the whole idea of questioning your existence but this book just touches a subject that we all question but we do not really get into it. What is hell?

Love

Pili

20 things I learned in 20 years

So the day has arrived that I turn 20 years old *cringes at the thoughts*. Nop, I’m not completely happy about this but I know I have to face it. Today January 13^th, 2016 I turn 20 years old. Everyone keeps telling me I’m still young, but to me it feels like too much. Anyways, I’m not here to be bitter over my birthday, instead, I want to tell you 20 important lessons this life has taught me:

1.       Mom always knows. Disagree all you want with her, but she knows. She knows when a boy is not right for you, or when that girl would end up hurting you. Mom always knows what is right for you. I know in the back of my mind that yes mom, I will end up with an engineer and not a writer.

2.       Time can heal everything. I promise you it does. You probably hear this all the time, but it is true. You will not even remember how it felt to have him around, or why you liked that girl as a friend so much. Give it time, you will feel better.

3.       Bullies are all around, learn not to listen. Even in college people will talk behind your back, people will still make fun of you. But forget them and move on with your life.

4.       Nobody needs to come between you and your friends. I did learn this the hard way, but never let anyone come between you two. Not a guy, not another friend, no one.

5.       You will fail and fail and fail, but you don’t have to give up and you’ll learn from this. You will fail the first time and maybe the second time, but you’ll learn and you’ll get what you want and succeed. Never ever give up just because you fail once, or twice, move on and work harder

6.       You can never go wrong with eyeliner. Learn how to use it, and wear it, always.

7.       Find something that you love and do it every day. Even if you suck, do it.  If you love to sing, do it every day. If you enjoy writing, do it every day. You’ll find a little bit of joy every day.

8.       Your body is sacred take care of it but decorate it. Get that tattoo, get that piercing, but eat healthy, workout, meditate and get some sleep.

9.       Take pictures and pictures and more pictures. Even if people look at you strange you don’t want to forget that time you saw that beautiful sunset or the time you went around Walmart in a shopping cart even though your legs defiantly do not fit.

10.   Find two lipsticks you like, one for the winter and one for the summer. Change it every now, but choose two and you are safe to go.

11.   Taylor Swift has the answer to your heart break. My personal favorite is “We are Never ever getting back” but basically listen to every single album and I guarantee that you’ll go from crying your eyes out to dancing and singing to “22” in your bedroom.

12.   Sometimes a good cry is all you need. So go ahead and cry your heart out, cry and cry. Crying is good motivation to remember how you don’t want to feel, so you go ahead and fix whatever bothers you. Or you go to the kitchen get some good food that will make you feel better.

13.   You have to read and read. I’m pretty sure this is the only advice I give to my younger siblings. Books just give you something to kill time and hey, you can always start a conversation if you know a good book. Bonus: thanks to a book I got my first tattoo.

14.   Ignore what people might say and just do you. So what if that girl from your class think your shirt is ugly? So what if the guy you are dating does not like tattoos and piercings? Just do whatever makes you happy. Go ahead and get 5 billion tattoos, wear that skirt and cut all your hair, the only one who has to like it, is you.

15.   Don’t expect anything from anyone. Harsh, but true. Go ahead and day dream that someone will come to the door with donuts and a life-size unicorn but no, it might never happened. You can dream all you want, like I hope one day I can live in a penthouse in NY with my 3 cats and walk to work every day at Vogue, but that is because it is me who has to work hard to achieve that. Don’t expect the world to stop for you, just work hard to get what you want.

16.   Give people nicknames. Not only is it hilarious but you create a bond with them

17.   Drinking coffee does not make you a grown up. It only makes you human who either did not sleep or has to stay up late.  So drink away my friend.

18.   And it is ok to be a grown up. Yes, doing the laundry sucks, and so does cooking. But going out without anyone questioning is also and so does driving around with friends blasting to music.

19.   Express your feelings. Whether you like to talk, write, sing or draw, don’t bottle up, at some point you’ll burst and you’ll realize you can’t go on like that.

20.   Life is made of small moments, take them all in. Like watching the sunset by the river with your friends, or walking at 5am in Buenos Aires with people you just meet, or dancing to Taylor Swift after getting a good grade.

Love

Pili

Coming clean

The lack of posting when I swore I was Going to do more has a lot to do with a big epiphany I had this week. Not only did I have a horrible cold, but eMotionally I was not me. I spent many hours trapped in myself wOndering how to move forward, how to go on, how to be happy but mostly I realized: I was not me. I was trapped.

I felt trapped.

I think that is the best way to described it. I was trapped. Trapped in a person that was not me. I was not me. I was a girl obsessed with something that really did not belong to me, something that was not right for me. I know I seemed happy, and that was eVerything that people wanted in me. But it was not what I wanted in myself. I wanted to be the gIrl who had something in common with Holden Caulfield, (SOMETHING? Lols, everything), I wanted to be the girl who will write about her feelings, the girl who in one Night could write 3 poems about how much she hated that girl in her class, I wanted to be the girl who when she stayed up late it meant long senseless  conversation with her friends. Maybe I was not the briGht girl who will smile at everyone but I knew I was happy, and being happy was the only thing that matter to me. So this past few months, my blog, my writing and my whole self, it was not me. It scared me so much. I was hiding myself. I was hiding my passion to write, I can’t remember the last time I touched my stories, I can’t remember the last time I had deep conversation with friends about the universe. I started to realize how scary this was. Why couldn’t I be me?

Looking back, I remember not loving that life, but I allowed myself to turn into someone I hated, I turned into a paper girl and everything was sort of superficial. I was a girl who will only look forward to the weekend to party, I was a girl who would listen tO music she hated because everyone liked it, I posted selfies and not pictures of sunsets, I thought it was stupid that my mind spoke in poetry, I was the girl who rejected a trip to the town where she had all her best friends for something silly like a night out. I was in fact a paper girl, living in a paper town. What I told myself I will never be.

Being honest, I haven’t been myself in month. I think since arouNd September. It is true that this past month has been harder. There were days when I would drag myself out of bed and looked at my closet and could not do it. I couldn’t bring myself to get dress because I did not feel good enough to do so. I felt like nothing look good, like everything I wore was going to be criticize. It seems like nothing, but looking back, it was only getting dress, and I could not do it. A lot of the memories are coming back to me, like that I had finished eating and just slide myself to the kitchen floor and wonder “why? Why do I feel so much?” It was crying at 1am and falling asleep at 3am, only to be awake at 5am and feeling completely empty and crying more. I hated this girl, who dragged her body, who did not dress for herself, and who did not allowed herself to just be happy. I remember asking myself “why do I feel this? Why do I have to feel like this? This is not how I was supposed to feel.”

Why am I talking about all this now? Because as I was sitting in my room crying I realized I needed to pull myself together and get out there. Maybe it was the “I’m shinning like fireworks over your sad empty town…” from Dear John by Taylor Swift, I realized I did not need to shut up, I realize I needed to get back to being me, I realize I did not have to go on crying or tossing and turning at night, I realize one person was not going to take me down, was not going to take the fun out of me. And I was starting with this post. Coming clean, not just with my readers but with everyone who knows personally, to tell them than this months, I was not me, but I will get back to myself, I promise.

My last advice for anyone out there who feels like this is: sometimes we lose ourselves, we transformed ourselves into nasty monsters who we hate, but that is ok, because in the end we end up finding us, we find who we really want to be and maybe it is hard, but you’ll understand, we just loose who we are, only to find ourselves.

(Yes, I did go all Taylor Swift and her “She lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything”).

Love,

Pili

A letter to 2015

Dear 2015,

You have been a crazy year. From day one I knew you were a hard one. You weren’t the best year, I’m sorry but it is the truth. You were just one of those year where one month I felt like I was at the top of the world and the next I didn’t want to go out of my room at all. You were not an easy year.

You are of those year that looking back I will realize I experienced a lot of things for the first time. Things that were scary at first, or I could not wrapped my head around to it. I went to my first club in 2015 and actually enjoyed myself. I had my heart broken for the first time, but before this I experience that feeling of caring so much for someone like I never did before. I experienced real failure for the first time and how much it can hurt. I experience winning money for my own, I made on my own for the first time. Finally, I experience, the heart breaking feeling of knowing you won’t see someone you’ve know your entire life, ever again.

This new experiences came with different lessons. I learned how much friend’s means and how no one, absolutely no one should come between you and a friend. I learned that is ok to like someone a lot and want to fall in love even if it will hurt later. I learn that parties are ok and seeing people drink and smoke is normal. I learn that college is based on experience and we are all going to fail at one point or another. I also learn little things, like how to separate different color clothes before washing them. I learn that living alone is more than staying up until whenever you want. I learn that it is totally fine to call your mom crying and that your bathroom will flood. Lastly, I learned that family comes first, and to enjoy every second you have with them, because you never know when it is the last time.

2015, you were a year I will not remember with pain but a year I will remember by everything I learn and experience. So dear 2015, thank you for everything I learn and everything I experience, but I’m hoping 2016 will be better and I just have a feeling it will be my year, thanks to all the new experience 2015 has given me and all the lessons learn.

Love

Pili